anonymous / December 16, 2014
Scene One: 10:00pm a school night, at home
Kate: 17 year old high school senior with all her college applications submitted none of which are for California schools
Me: tired
Kate: in a whiny tone, “Dad will you make me popcorn please”?
Me: in an annoyed tone, “Are you kidding, what happened to your legs, get up and do it yourself”
! Kate: “But Dad”!
Me: “Not going to happen Kate, I’m not making you popcorn”!
Scene Two: Me in front of stove making popcorn
Me: mumbling, “She’s up until late doing her physics homework that I don’t even remotely understand, is always on Honor Roll, is a good kid, will be going away to college, making her popcorn is no big deal”.
As you can see, I am abundantly guilty of spoiling my kids, popcorn being just one example of many. Other day I went to Amazon and got Julia, our 13 year old another Ninja turtle. I do stuff like this all the time. I do however, attempt to balance caving in to making sure the girls know when I’m serious and I am going to do exactly what I say I’m going to do and I won’t give in. This does not mean raising my voice or any other histrionics just a way of communicating with my kid that this is the way it is going to be. The conversation typically starting off with me saying. “I’m not your friend, we are not having a dialog, democracy has been suspended, I’m your Dad so you have no option to A) doing your homework B) cleaning your room C) setting the table D) clearing the table and so on.
As parents, I think it is crucial for our kids to see and understand and feel that there will be times in their lives that society and the Universe will not accept their behavior. For example it could be that they may not want to get into the pool for swim instruction but should do so because that is what a parent wants them to do. If we give in too many times and I don’t know how to define too many times, our kids grow up with an unrealistic assumption that the Universe will bend to their whims. Ain’t so, we know that, we’ve been banged around here and there. We teach our kids how to cross the street, how to tie their shoes I think we also need to teach them how to get into the pool and go with the flow. It is the little things like accepting the responsibility of clearing the table that will serve our kids very well as they grow into adults. Perhaps most importantly, there are going to be times in their livers they are going to have to do things that they don’t want to do often having to do with acting in a responsible manner. So go ahead and spoil your kids, I do all the time, but also make sure that they do what you ask them to do. Lets provide our kids with the tools to succeed in life, sometimes a kid just has to get into the pool and get wet!